Undeniable proof...

...that engineers are weird.

(No offense to the few exceptions to this rule.) I received this recipe today which was written by a former employee here at my office. (His name has been changed to protect the strange.) This is exactly the way I received it, exactly the way he wrote it, and he is totally serious. I always thought him strange, as I'm sure you'll agree. I don't know why he no longer works here. I have a sneaking suspicion that his head may have exploded.

(I wish I could figure out how to make it look like he did, formatted with tables. But I cannot, so you'll just have to imagine the perfect structure in which he placed it.)

Siberian Sausage Rolls
by Uptight Upstairs

This is an Americanized version of a Siberian recipe obtained in 1994 in Eastern Siberia. Readily available American material have been adapted to the original recipe.

Ingredients
Ground Pork Sausage
Colby-Jack Cheese
Crescent Dinner Rolls
Mustard or BBQ Sauce
Spices (to suit individual tastes)

1. Remove Crescent Dinner Rolls from refrigerator. Open roll container and unroll being careful to keep the dough in its rectangular form. Ensure the triangular perforations remain intact; pinch these together using thumb and forefinger, and smooth. Allow the dough to attain ambient room temperature.
2. Pre-heat oven to the crescent roll manufacturer’s recommended baking temperature.
3. Cut sausage patties in approximately 6mm (1/4-inch) thick round patties. Halve each patty. Press each half-patty into a rectangular strip about 12mm (1/2-inch) square and about 9mm (3/8-inch) shorter than the dough width.
4. Slice the Colby-Jack cheese into strips about 3mm (1/8-inch) thick x 12mm (1/2-inch) width x length equal to rectangular sausage pieces.
5. Make a longitudinal cut in each rectangular sausage strip and insert a slice of the Colby-Jack cheese. Press the sausage back into rectangular shape, and transfer to one end of the roll dough.
6. Add spices: sage, onion powder, garlic powder, pepper, etc. to suit individual tastes.
7. Place a strip of mustard (or BBQ sauce) against the inside sausage edge. The mustard (or BBQ sauce) should approximate 6mm (1/4-inch) in width; mustard (or BBQ sauce) should start and stop about 12mm (1/2-inch) from each dough edge.
8. Carefully roll the sausage in the dough; ensure dough remains tight against the sausage. Pinch the dough ends shut. Trim excess crescent roll dough length with sharp knife. Allow dough to lap only on the bottom of the sausage roll. Pinch any dough splices shut that may have opened in the rolling process. The excess dough from several sausage rolls may be rolled together to prepare an additional sausage roll base.
9. Cover a standard size cookie sheet with aluminum foil.
10. Place the completed sausage rolls on the foil covered cookie sheet. Ensure 25mm (1-inch) space is maintained on all sides of the sausage rolls.
11. Bake in accordance with roll manufacturer’s directions concerning temperature. Cooking time will be longer (averages about 15-18 minutes) due to the increased number and greater mass of the material being cooked. Cook until golden brown. Allow to cool before eating. Generally 1-package of dinner rolls will yield 4-sausage rolls (5-sausage rolls if you piece the excess dough together); this will vary depending upon from personal techniques in rolling the sausage rolls.
12. Substitute BBQ sauce for the mustard for an added flavour.

Serving Suggestions

1. Serve rolls hot over a bed of rice topped with brown gravy.
2. Serve rolls hot with a whole corn, cream style corn, and lima bean vegetable medley.
3. Serve rolls, hot or cold, with a chili topping.
4. Serve cold with cheese, savoury crackers, or various nuts.
5. Use extreme caution if re-heating the rolls in a microwave; the hot cheese contained in the sausage rolls may adhere to your mouth!

I admit that it does sound like a tasty recipe, but for the time it took him to measure out all those precise directions and type out the instructions, he could've made me 3 or four batches. I am surrounded by these people every single day! AAAHHHHHH!!!!!