Stolen Funnies

I'm stealing this idea from Emily who was inspired by a couple of other people. You can go there to see who if you wish.

Instructions: Go to Google and type in your first name, then needs. I typed in "Melissa needs" and this is the top ten on a list of 1,610 things I supposedly need.

Melissa needs maintenance manuals! I do need one more set of them, but apparently the material isn’t completed yet so there are no manuals ready. And that guy is a jerk.

Melissa needs to board the blob ship that is hovering overhead. How does a blob hover? Blobs sound like heavy things to me. Also something that I do not care to ‘board’. Especially if this is where they do the anal probing.

Melissa needs to select information from the Partners table. The Partners table. Is this where you find out who you’ll square dance with? Grab your partner, doh-si-doh!

Melissa needs blood. Did I give too much last time? I really felt fine, I don’t know where they’d get an idea like that. Although, a guy at work says I must not have any since I’m so cold all the time.

Melissa needs her meds. I find this a little offensive. So I was on them for a while! Don’t throw it back in my face if I’m having a bad day! I’ll decide for myself if I need them again, thank you very much.

Melissa needs someone from near there who will work with her today to get a van and crates and come up with some kind of temporary holding place for this particular group of animals and get them out of there. Oooh – animal rescue? This sounds like a very important task to take on. Now, if someone will tell me where they are near to, I will try to find a vehicle in which to transport them.

Melissa needs athletic promotions director. I just can’t imagine any reason why I would need this.

Melissa needs attention and will do “things” for attention. Now that’s just rude. “Things” implies that I will do something that I will most certainly NOT do, so quit telling people that I will!

Melissa needs computer assistance. Sometimes I really do, and it helps to be married to your computer support. But today I’m operating smoothly. You may delete my helpdesk request.

Melissa Needs-the-Dough! I knead someone to spell-and-punctuate correctly.

I’m adding another one just because I thought it was funny:

Melissa needs your help to understand tar. I really don’t care about tar. It’s black and sticky, and, when shaped like a baby, fools an obnoxious Brer Rabbit.

I have yet to read the other 1,599 needs on my list. That may create future posts if I get writers block. Its certainly not going to be used as my birthday wishlist.